Telling the Kids About Your Divorce
Friday, October 17th, 2008Talking to your kids about your divorce is difficult, to say the least. Try the following tips to help both the child and yourself with the challenge and stress of the conversation:
- Do not keep it a secret or wait until the last minute. Kids tend to know more about what’s going on than parents given them credit for. Tell them far enough in advance to allow them time to let it soak in and give them time to adjust.
- Tell the kids together. Having the conversation together allows both parents to be involved in the conversation and gives each parent the same opportunity to participate in the discussion.
- Do not discuss the adult reasons for the divorce or talk about the other parent’s faults or problems. Keep adult topics between the adults and let the kids know just what affects them.
- Tell the kids that the divorce is not their fault and both parents still love them. Kids tend to take divorces very personally. They think something they did or didn’t do was the cause of the break-up. Reassure them that both parents love them, they just can’t live together anymore.
- Give the kids some idea of what life will be like after the divorce. Even if you don’t know the specifics, maybe because custody hasn’t been settled yet, you can tell them that they will live some of the time with Mommy and some of the time with Daddy and Mommy and Daddy will both go to their games and events like they do now.
Also watch for signs of distress from your child. Divorce is hard enough on adults, and many adults need counseling — it’s the same for kids. Many kids will need counseling too, if for no other reason than to have someone safe to talk to that’s not mom or dad.
