Dallas Divorce Law Blog by Michelle O'Neil

I am often asked whether court’s still presume that custody of a child should go to the mother as opposed to the father. The short answer is no. Courts are not permitted to consider the gender of the parent (or the child) in making decisions regarding custody. Generally the best interests of the child are the primary considerations the court assesses in determining custody issues. The best interests of the child are frequently referred to as the Holley factors because of the case they were set forth in.

Historically, gender played a role in assessing parental fitness. This role led to the development of the “tender years doctrine” which in essence stated a child should not be separated from his or her mother. Early records of the tender years doctrine date back to the mid 1800′s and needless to say there have been dramatic shifts in socio-political viewpoints since that time. The trend towards moving away from the mommy presumption and tender years doctrine gradually made its way in to Texas Case law and eventually was codified in the Texas Family Code. According to Section 153.003 of the Texas Family Code, the court cannot consider the marital status or gender of either parent in making decisions regarding custody.

This shift away from the tender years doctrine coincides with the shift towards parents sharing their rights and duties equally. In fact, there is a possession schedule set forth in the Texas Family Code that applies in most cases (in the absence of a showing why it should not) which effectively gives parents equal rights, duties and almost possession periods of their children.

Despite the shift away from the mommy presumption, there are some judges who retain an “old school” mentality and still believe that the child should remain with his or her mother. This is where hiring an experienced divorce attorney is critical, because if your case happens to land in a conservative judge’s court, then your attorney will have to clear the mommy presumption hurdle.

The new Presidential website – - – www.whitehouse.gov - – - complete with its own blog, is a wealth of information regarding the new Administration’s family law agenda.  Here’s a sampling from the “family” portion of the website, many of which pertain to economic matters:

Expand the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA):  

The FMLA covers only certain people who work for employers with 50 or more employees. Barack Obama and Joe Biden will expand the FMLA to cover businesses with 25 or more employees, and to cover more purposes including allowing: leave for workers who provide elder care; 24 hours of leave each year for parents to participate in their children’s academic activities at school; leave for workers who care for individuals who reside in their home for 6 months or more; and leave for employees to address domestic violence and sexual assault.

Encourage States to Adopt Paid Leave:

President Barack Obama will initiate a 50 state strategy to encourage all of the states to adopt paid-leave systems. Obama and Biden will provide a $1.5 billion fund to assist states with start-up costs and to help states offset the costs for employees and employers.

Expand High-Quality Afterschool Opportunities:

Barack Obama and Joe Biden will double funding for the main federal support for afterschool programs, the 21st Century Learning Centers program, to serve one million more children. They will include measures to maximize performance and effectiveness across grantees nationwide.

Expand the Child and Dependent Care Tax Credit:

The Child and Dependent Care Tax Credit provides too little relief to families that struggle to afford child care expenses. Barack Obama and Joe Biden will reform the Child and Dependent Care Tax Credit by making it refundable and allowing low-income families to receive up to a 50 percent credit for their child care expenses.

Protect Against Caregiver Discrimination:

Workers with family obligations often are discriminated against in the workplace. Barack Obama and Joe Biden will commit the government to enforcing recently-enacted Equal Employment Opportunity Commission guidelines on caregiver discrimination.

Expand Flexible Work Arrangements:

Barack Obama and Joe Biden will address this concern by creating a program to inform businesses about the benefits of flexible work schedules for productivity and establishing positive workplaces; helping businesses create flexible work opportunities; and increasing federal incentives for telecommuting. Obama and Biden will also make the federal government a model employer in terms of adopting flexible work schedules and permitting employees to petition to request flexible arrangements.

Strengthen Fatherhood and Families:

Barack Obama has re-introduced the Responsible Fatherhood and Healthy Families Act to remove some of the government penalties on married families, crack down on men avoiding child support payments, ensure that support payments go to families instead of state bureaucracies, fund support services for fathers and their families, and support domestic violence prevention efforts. President Obama will sign this bill into law and continue to implement innovative measures to strengthen families.

Support Parents with Young Children:

Barack Obama and Joe Biden will expand programs like the successful Nurse-Family Partnership to all low-income, first-time mothers. The Nurse-Family Partnership provides home visits by trained registered nurses to low-income expectant mothers and their families. Researchers at the Federal Reserve Bank of Minneapolis concluded that these programs produced an average of five dollars in savings for every dollar invested and produced more than $28,000 in net savings for every high-risk family enrolled in the program. The Obama-Biden plan will assist approximately 570,000 first-time mothers each year.

Apparently Alec Baldwin has a book coming out this week that talks about his experience with the divorce process.  I read an excerpt of the book online — the introduction and part of the first chapter.  What I read seemed to be his “rant” on perceived corruption in the judicial system in California.  He calls the judges inept and the lawyers lazy.  I plan to get the book and read the rest of it just to see what he has to say.  I don’t know the lawyers or the judge involved with his case. No doubt he had a bad experience with his divorce — we all remember the ultra-inappropriate voice mail left for his daughter. No doubt the judge in his case disapproved.  I am curious to see how much of the book shows a viewpoint skewed by his bitterness and anger as opposed to a bias in the system that is more far-reaching.  I was struck immediately by a story he tells in chapter 1 about controversies with movie producers where he concludes that the producers are more corrupt than the illegal drug business.  I question his credibility in criticizing the legal system when he also calls the movie producers corrput.  Sounds like he’s saying, anything I disagree with is therefore corrupt.  Overall, his book seems like an honest, maybe even raw,  account of an embittered divorce — not so dissimilar to the experiences of many people.  He also disucsses his opinions on “parental alienation”, which he calls a syndrome, although I’ve never known of it to be a diagnosable condition. He does seem to shed light on the inequities and prejudices that continue to persevere in our country over women versus men in raising children.  Starting a discussion of those inequities in a valuable result of his book, I just hope that the good that can come from a celebrity bringing a private situation in the public eye isn’t overshadowed by his bitterness and anger. 

To consult with a dallas divorce attorney regarding your situation, click here.

Continuing with the discussion last week about helping children cope with the reality of divorce, here are ten tips for divorcing parents, from the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers:

Ten Tips for Divorcing Parents

Divorce is never easy on kids, but there are many ways parents can help lessen the impact of their break-up on their children:

1. Never disparage your former spouse in front of your children. Because children know they are “part mom” and “part dad”, the criticism can batter the child’s self-esteem.
2. Do not use your children as messengers between you and your former spouse. The less the children feel a part of the battle between their parents, the better.
3. Reassure your children that they are loved and that the divorce is not their fault. Many children assume that they are to blame for their parent’s hostility.
4. Encourage your children to see your former spouse frequently. Do everything within your power to accommodate the visitation.
5. At every step during your divorce, remind yourself that your children’s interests – not yours – are paramount, and act accordingly. Lavish them with love at each opportunity.
6. Your children may be tempted to act as your caretaker. Resist the temptation to let them. Let your peers, adult family members, and mental health professionals be your counselors and sounding board. Let your children be children.
7. If you have a drinking or drug problem, get counseling right away. An impairment inhibits your ability to reassure your children and give them the attention they need at this difficult time.
8. If you are the non-custodial parent, pay your child support. The loss of income facing many children after divorce puts them at a financial disadvantage that has a pervasive effect on the rest of their lives.
9. If you are the custodial parent and you are not receiving child support, do not tell your children. It feeds into the child’s sense of abandonment and further erodes his or her stability.
10. If at all possible, do not uproot your children. Stability in their residence and school life helps buffer children from the trauma of their parent’s divorce.

If you need the advice of a Texas Board Certified Family Law Specialist, please contact us for an appointment.

More Men Get Alimony as Stigma Lessens

By Debra Cassens Weiss

As more men sacrifice their careers for their higher earning spouses, more are receiving court-ordered alimony. And more are willing to talk about it.

The percentage of men receiving alimony rose to 3.6 percent in the five years ending in 2006, compared to 2.4 percent in the previous five-year period, the Wall Street Journal reports.

Among those receiving alimony is actor John David Castellanos, who used to star in The Young and the Restless. He gets $9,000 a month. He claims he helped his wife move up in her career, until she began to make more money than him. Another alimony recipient is toilet salesman Joe Garnick, who quit his job to raise the kids and take care of the house. He received $50,000 a year for four years from his ex-wife, who was a global equity derivatives strategist for Merrill Lynch.

The story suggests alimony figures will rise based on 2005 data that shows wives made more money than their husbands in 33 percent of all families. Men often argue they sacrificed their careers or stayed at home to raise children for their spouses.

“Today’s men are shaking off the stigma of being supported by their ex-wives,” the story says. “Several agreed to talk on the record for this article, in part because they say the popular image of the male alimony recipient is unfair: He’s not always a slacker.”

I’ve written recently on the very important topic of children’s issues in a divorce. Recently, I was pointed to another version of a children’s bill of rights located at DivorceHQ. Remember that this isn’t a “law”, but only guidelines for putting the children first.

We the children of the divorcing parents, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish these Bill Of Rights for all children.

1. The right not to be asked to “choose sides” or be put in a situation where I would have to take sides between my parents.

2. The right to be treated as a person and not as a pawn, possession or a negotiating chip.

3. The right to freely and privately communicate with both parents.

4. The right not to be asked questions by one parent about the other.

5. The right not to be a messenger.

6. The right to express my feelings.

7. The right to adequate visitation with the non-custodial parent which will best serve my needs and wishes.

8. The right to love and have a relationship with both parents without being made to feel guilty.

9. The right not to hear either parent say anything bad about the other.

10. The right to the same educational opportunities and economic support that I would have had if my parents did not divorce.

11. The right to have what is in my best interest protected at all times.

12. The right to maintain my status as a child and not to take on adult responsibilities for the sake of the parent’s well being.

13. The right to request my parents seek appropriate emotional and social support when needed.

14. The right to expect consistent parenting at a time when little in my life seems constant or secure.

15. The right to expect healthy relationship modeling, despite the recent events.

16. The right to expect the utmost support when taking the time and steps needed to secure a healthy adjustment to the current situation.

If you are in need of a Dallas Divorce Lawyer who will help you put your children first, please contact us for an appointment.

Continuing with the discussion last week about helping children cope with the reality of divorce, here are ten tips for divorcing parents, from the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers:

Ten Tips for Divorcing Parents

Divorce is never easy on kids, but there are many ways parents can help lessen the impact of their break-up on their children:

1. Never disparage your former spouse in front of your children. Because children know they are “part mom” and “part dad”, the criticism can batter the child’s self-esteem.
2. Do not use your children as messengers between you and your former spouse. The less the children feel a part of the battle between their parents, the better.
3. Reassure your children that they are loved and that the divorce is not their fault. Many children assume that they are to blame for their parent’s hostility.
4. Encourage your children to see your former spouse frequently. Do everything within your power to accommodate the visitation.
5. At every step during your divorce, remind yourself that your children’s interests – not yours – are paramount, and act accordingly. Lavish them with love at each opportunity.
6. Your children may be tempted to act as your caretaker. Resist the temptation to let them. Let your peers, adult family members, and mental health professionals be your counselors and sounding board. Let your children be children.
7. If you have a drinking or drug problem, get counseling right away. An impairment inhibits your ability to reassure your children and give them the attention they need at this difficult time.
8. If you are the non-custodial parent, pay your child support. The loss of income facing many children after divorce puts them at a financial disadvantage that has a pervasive effect on the rest of their lives.
9. If you are the custodial parent and you are not receiving child support, do not tell your children. It feeds into the child’s sense of abandonment and further erodes his or her stability.
10. If at all possible, do not uproot your children. Stability in their residence and school life helps buffer children from the trauma of their parent’s divorce.

If you need the advice of a Texas Board Certified Family Law Specialist, please contact us for an appointment.

I read an article recently in Parade magazine.  The piece questioned whether divorce courts are against dads — “In 85% of divorces, fathers get just two weekends a month and a couple of hours during the week.”  The article cites to a new national trend for “proportional time” where the custody decision is based on the time the father spent with the children prior to the divorce.  Read the article here.

Texas courts began changing the way parents are viewed in the mid-1990’s.  The father’s rights movement began to raise awareness of the involvement of some fathers in their children’s lives beyond the traditionally perceived gender rolls.  The Texas Legislature changed the designation of titles given upon divorce, creating a presumption that both parents will be called “joint managing conservators”.  Although Texas still has the presumptive Standard Possession Order that awards the non-primary joint managing conservator access two weekends a month, plus holidays and summer time, many judges have begun to entertain deviation from that standard schedule where the evidence shows a father’s involvement and ability to share in the day-to-day parenting.  For more information, please see my article Texas Divorce Law Basics.