Dallas Divorce Law Blog by Michelle O'Neil

A recent national survey of divorce lawyers notes an increase in the number of mothers paying child support.  According to the survey, 55% of attorneys said they have noticed a shift during the past five years in which more mothers are required to pay child support. 

This mimicks the trend that Dallas divorce lawyers are also seeing locally.  Many years ago, the Texas Family Code eliminated the gender bias from the language of the law, equalizing the rights of mothers and fathers.  Over the years since, the Texas Legislature has continued to support an increase in fathers rights overall.  We could have a spirited discussion on why this is… is it because many of the Legislators are fathers that have been involved in custody situations?  or is it because many of the Legislators are male?  Regardless, there has been a definite trend toward equalizing male and female roles related to children of divorce.  This, likewise, means that when a mother is not the primary parent, she will be required to pay child support.  In years past, when a mother did not have custody of the children, most often she was not made to pay support, presuming that the father made sufficient income to support the children financially without assistance from the mother.  But, some women more than or equal to their husbands (baby’s father) and therefore are required under the law to take equal or greater financial responsibility for the children.

Texas has standardized guidelines for the payment of child support based on the income of the paying parent… For example, 20% of the net income of the parent if there’s one child, 25% for two children, etc.  The formula becomes more complex if there are children from multiple relationships, where the parent paying the child support is given a credit for support paid to the children from the other relationship.

Regardless, there has been a trend recently in Dallas area divorces where mothers are being required to pay child support.  This isn’t necessarily because of some inherent unfairness in the legal system, but more because of a trend toward equalizing treatment of each parent regardless of gender.

Continuing with the discussion last week about helping children cope with the reality of divorce, here are ten tips for divorcing parents, from the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers:

Ten Tips for Divorcing Parents

Divorce is never easy on kids, but there are many ways parents can help lessen the impact of their break-up on their children:

1. Never disparage your former spouse in front of your children. Because children know they are “part mom” and “part dad”, the criticism can batter the child’s self-esteem.
2. Do not use your children as messengers between you and your former spouse. The less the children feel a part of the battle between their parents, the better.
3. Reassure your children that they are loved and that the divorce is not their fault. Many children assume that they are to blame for their parent’s hostility.
4. Encourage your children to see your former spouse frequently. Do everything within your power to accommodate the visitation.
5. At every step during your divorce, remind yourself that your children’s interests – not yours – are paramount, and act accordingly. Lavish them with love at each opportunity.
6. Your children may be tempted to act as your caretaker. Resist the temptation to let them. Let your peers, adult family members, and mental health professionals be your counselors and sounding board. Let your children be children.
7. If you have a drinking or drug problem, get counseling right away. An impairment inhibits your ability to reassure your children and give them the attention they need at this difficult time.
8. If you are the non-custodial parent, pay your child support. The loss of income facing many children after divorce puts them at a financial disadvantage that has a pervasive effect on the rest of their lives.
9. If you are the custodial parent and you are not receiving child support, do not tell your children. It feeds into the child’s sense of abandonment and further erodes his or her stability.
10. If at all possible, do not uproot your children. Stability in their residence and school life helps buffer children from the trauma of their parent’s divorce.

If you need the advice of a Texas Board Certified Family Law Specialist, please contact us for an appointment.

I’ve written recently on the very important topic of children’s issues in a divorce. Recently, I was pointed to another version of a children’s bill of rights located at DivorceHQ. Remember that this isn’t a “law”, but only guidelines for putting the children first.

We the children of the divorcing parents, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish these Bill Of Rights for all children.

1. The right not to be asked to “choose sides” or be put in a situation where I would have to take sides between my parents.

2. The right to be treated as a person and not as a pawn, possession or a negotiating chip.

3. The right to freely and privately communicate with both parents.

4. The right not to be asked questions by one parent about the other.

5. The right not to be a messenger.

6. The right to express my feelings.

7. The right to adequate visitation with the non-custodial parent which will best serve my needs and wishes.

8. The right to love and have a relationship with both parents without being made to feel guilty.

9. The right not to hear either parent say anything bad about the other.

10. The right to the same educational opportunities and economic support that I would have had if my parents did not divorce.

11. The right to have what is in my best interest protected at all times.

12. The right to maintain my status as a child and not to take on adult responsibilities for the sake of the parent’s well being.

13. The right to request my parents seek appropriate emotional and social support when needed.

14. The right to expect consistent parenting at a time when little in my life seems constant or secure.

15. The right to expect healthy relationship modeling, despite the recent events.

16. The right to expect the utmost support when taking the time and steps needed to secure a healthy adjustment to the current situation.

If you are in need of a Dallas Divorce Lawyer who will help you put your children first, please contact us for an appointment.

Continuing with the discussion last week about helping children cope with the reality of divorce, here are ten tips for divorcing parents, from the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers:

Ten Tips for Divorcing Parents

Divorce is never easy on kids, but there are many ways parents can help lessen the impact of their break-up on their children:

1. Never disparage your former spouse in front of your children. Because children know they are “part mom” and “part dad”, the criticism can batter the child’s self-esteem.
2. Do not use your children as messengers between you and your former spouse. The less the children feel a part of the battle between their parents, the better.
3. Reassure your children that they are loved and that the divorce is not their fault. Many children assume that they are to blame for their parent’s hostility.
4. Encourage your children to see your former spouse frequently. Do everything within your power to accommodate the visitation.
5. At every step during your divorce, remind yourself that your children’s interests – not yours – are paramount, and act accordingly. Lavish them with love at each opportunity.
6. Your children may be tempted to act as your caretaker. Resist the temptation to let them. Let your peers, adult family members, and mental health professionals be your counselors and sounding board. Let your children be children.
7. If you have a drinking or drug problem, get counseling right away. An impairment inhibits your ability to reassure your children and give them the attention they need at this difficult time.
8. If you are the non-custodial parent, pay your child support. The loss of income facing many children after divorce puts them at a financial disadvantage that has a pervasive effect on the rest of their lives.
9. If you are the custodial parent and you are not receiving child support, do not tell your children. It feeds into the child’s sense of abandonment and further erodes his or her stability.
10. If at all possible, do not uproot your children. Stability in their residence and school life helps buffer children from the trauma of their parent’s divorce.

If you need the advice of a Texas Board Certified Family Law Specialist, please contact us for an appointment.

I always enjoy getting a note from a client after I’ve finished their case, indicating they were happy with what we accomplished for them. Here’s one I received today from A.C.:

The May Firm goes above and beyond with their support and Team effort in such a tremendous time of upheaval in one’s life. Michelle May O’Neil has a very strong grip on interpreting the law. She advocates for her client to receive a just, fair outcome without stooping to a level of mud-slinging or degrading the other side. Her presence in the courtroom is one of strength and skill. She is given respect, justly deserved, the minute she enters the courtroom.

Thanks, A.C.! I enjoyed representing you — you are a sweet woman and a great parent.